The night before leaving to Vancouver a massive amount of energy was inside of me. My heart, mind, soul was a frying pan. Radiation, chemotherapy, major surgery. I was going to see my mother and family for nine days. The tension of knowing I would not be able to painting. The knowledge I was going to spent time with my mother who has been battling cancer overwhelmed me. My mother had her clone removed and had a permanent bag inserted two weeks ago. My mother still had chemotherapy ahead of her.

I had built this canvas a year and a half ago. It was constructed while I was working on the Antiwar series while living in Vanier. But we purchased our new home and with renovations, managing the other property, and starting up a gallery... This 5 x 10 foot blank canvas sat in the garage.

I wanted this canvas to be called 'Trying to Find Balance'. It was intended to be the focus of the new series of paintings I had been working on down at the Remic Rapid River. So I transported the canvas down to the river with my bike. The water level had risen to what it was a month ago. I was closer to the bike path. The displaced energy had made me feel disconnected and off center. I started to work and things were flowing. As I continued to paint deeper mental connections surfaced. The painting was almost complete, but it seemed fabricated. It lacked the complexity that I was experiencing under my sink. So I started to creating and destroying the canvas. The painting needed more layers of transparency. As much as I wished to complete the painting that day I knew that it was not possible. The oil paint needed to dry.

I returned home and left the wet canvas on the outside easel. The canvas stayed outside for six days. During that time there was a thunder storm. It was hot. The summer sun was strong. So the painting dried fast.

It was clear that the painting was not going to be called 'Trying to find balance". I was thinking of calling it Renovations. And putting symbols of tools, ladders, windows, faces... and doing the bulk of the painting in black and white... (positive and negative space, bold contrast). My marriage has been very unhealthy for too long. As I started painting the direction of the painting started to present itself. The palette had its own road.

I only wanted to have one organic abstract figure in the space. The rest of the space is to express a mental landscape. I was not sure what I what to title the painting. Some of the potential titles were: Chemotherapy, radiation, Mother, Portrait of my Mother, Mother Mom Mother, cancer, The bag lady, her strength. I decided to title the painting: Portrait of my Mother.