the season is
here

leaves fall
sun shines

it is time
to be honest with yourself

pills never fix
cloths don't keep you warm

drink more water
flitter you blood

balance your diet
yesterday could be today

if tomorrow never
never heals

if you leave
take everything

when you go shut
the door behind you

it is better to
be green than red

we only hurt
the one's we love

the hard decision are the
easiest ones to make

your heart is
blue and black

if you want to talk
about it - don't call me.

(written Nov5th - Dec 2nd 2005)

Titled: Feel

obsessed
never rest
refuse to go on prozac

my soul does not get cold
when my mind shines

snow keeps falling
on the ground

hands, fingers, feet
are getting cold

feels so good
to feel pain again

pure soft crystals
blanket the earth

shave my head
like a sheep

it's safer to be cheap
never stand in a government line.

(written late Nov 2005)

Titled: Painting late at night (-22 degree C)

it is very difficult to squeeze the
white paint out of the tube

it is best to keep the tube in the pocket
the lead white paint is very stiff

feels like arthritis, these fingers
feel boxing gloves

need some warm
blood in the brain

need some stars
in this city sky

need some birds in
the sky to fly in my mind

need an open field
a place to pick flowers

to plant vegetables
need a place that

a place I can call home.

(written March - Dec 2005)

Titled: Wasted

vacant
for sale
wasted
empty room
rain
shower soul
drained
international move
skin
temporary accommodations
bones
house hunting
hello
good bye.

(written Fall 2005)

Titled: in her bed

I'd eat your pain
if I could kill cancer

your blood is not
black it is red

in her bed
she bleeds

in her head
she needs

harvest your own host
plant your own parasite

don't forget - never forget
tired of being tired

a mosquito
sleeps in a spider's web

(written fall - winter 2005)

I did not blow
out the son

I will not repent
for my sins

this river runs
water not wine

I will not pay
your debts off

I am not
your free ride

your coupon
your meal ticket

I do not sell dreams
I do not buy love.

(written Oct - May 2005)

a bird with a
broken wing

stands at the side
of an empty highway

with a suite case
of dreams

if you want
my heart

will you take
my bones

her touch
her skin

her lips
are lipstick

I lie in her
bed like an

insect
in a spider's web

sitting in a red room
in a yellow chair

in my dreams birds
fly in the open sky

(written Oct - March 2005)

Titled: Freezing

there is no home
no place to burry bones

there are no worms
in a winter's garden

card board insulates the
pavement from the cold

these teeth are not rotten
and are not falling out

when the cold sets in
I become a bird, a tree

a red garbage can, a
telephone wire, pavement

melting in the sun
freezing and free

(written March 2005)

Titled: Painting Outside

Once I get settled
in my location

lay out my palette
organize my brushes

I start to work -
my office is out doors

my eyes become
large windows

the wind enters
my soul

birds nest in my
head, my heart

my veins feel
like telephone wires

trees and branches
legs and arms

a tree spreads its arms
and flies away

(written March 2005)

Titled: in bed

no time
to think about the bills

below the clock
in the kitchen

have to turn the
mind off

water leaking in the
living room and basement

water on the floor
fuck it

property tax, phone
bill, electric, sewage

bills in the mail box
fuck it

they can't call when
the phone is disconnected

who needs entertainment
when you can fuck

too stressed for sex
someone is knockin at the door

tell that guy knockin at
the door to fuck off and get a job.

(written May 2005)

Titled: disinfect

when I am weak
kiss me

fuck me
when I'm down

if you need
help - fuck off

dogs have clean mouths
disinfect - reject

you can't sell
with no show

who needs credit
when your indebt

I can eat shit
and smile at the same time

(written May 2005)

Moving: Leaving London England to Ottawa Canada

We boxed our belongings
packed our personal items

bubble wrapped 500 or more paintings
hired a 20 x 10 x 10 foot container

purchased three one way plane tickets
sold our home

said goodbye - cried
miles miles fly away

touched the ground
lost and found

had a vision had a dream
find what fits, eat leftovers

no faces to call friends
house hunting.

written Dec 2004

Titled: Bird

no more questions
no need for explanations

there's no point trying
to make you understand

let the critics
criticize themselves

let the hunters
kill themselves

I do not want to
live your life

I do not want my
evenings and weekends free

I am not a
bird in a cage

written April 2005

Titled: Under Yellow

a man with one arm and
no legs sits in a wheel chair

in the corner of the room
under a yellow lamp

the T.V. is on mute - images
flash across the night sky

bombs and guns
in his head explode

he was not a suicide bomber
that walked into that restaurant

he was not fighting for peace
and these are not suicidal thoughts

those were not his legs
arms, head, organs

that was not his sister that
lay in pieces on the street

that was not red blood
that burned like gasoline

the war is over
over and over again

the man continues to try
to fall asleep.

Written March - May 2005

Titled: another blank canvas

needles on the floor
cockroaches crawling on the stove

heroin addicts having conversations
about methadone and bones that itch

standing in a food line
outside the Salvation Army

people waiting for
Welfare Wednesday

behind the Needle Exchange
below the Lucky Lodge Hotel

this heart refuses to stop
beating beating dreaming

every morning
between 7-8 am I start

time to work on another
blank canvas

written Dec 23rd 2004

Titled: Time to Push

no canvas
no gesso
credit card maxed out
bills in the mail box

a car
on a highway
with an empty tank of gas

it is time
to get out
of this car
and push
push
push
need some help

written May 2005

Nov 7th 2005

It is the same thing. Here I go again. Waiting for a pay cheque. You never know when someone is going to finally make payment. So you live off your visa. Dig a hole, get behind, screw yourself, hope and trust that eventually the money will fall into fall.

So I turn my mind off, try my best to not think about the primary thing on my mind. Walk in the dark, walk on the sand out into the water, walk, walk it gets deep and my feet, shoes, socks, pants are wet. I really hate it when I'm up to my neck or in over my head. I can swim. I can eat shit and smile.

My wife knows I'm in trouble but she keeps herself naïve. It is best to be private and not stress her out. It is not easy and I get tired. It would be great to have a regular paying job. The comfort and security. But it is better to stay hungry and cold rather than warm and rested.

When I think about the price or value of a house in comparison to the price of art. Let's suggest the cost of a house as being 250,000 dollars. And I think just how many paintings I could purchase with this amount of money. I could really shop around and go to many artists studios and galleries and get a very large number of killer paintings. Imagine 50 - 60 paintings. And then I look at all the paintings, all the heart, passion, creativity… and then I look at a house.